Confessions of An Outlier

Time is of the Essence

Background music: Eddy Louiss - Sentimental Feeling

I've always wanted to blog about my life, but I kept putting it off, thinking I'd need more wisdom and experience. Over time, I did gain a deeper understanding of myself and my story. But whenever I felt ready to start, my future ambitions would silence me. I believed that my most groundbreaking chapter was still ahead. And let's be honest, who would want to read a blog from someone who wasn't already famous?

So I kept quiet, filling my backpack with experiences like a restless Jewish beatnik on a quest to unravel the mysteries of life. I had a feeling that the story I needed to write would eventually emerge. But it wasn't until it became a matter of life and death, at least in my mind, that I finally felt ready to put pen to paper.

A week after my 74th birthday, an unexpected event changed the course of my life. I had been living in Mexico, my cherished home for over a year. Then, disaster struck when intruders broke into my home and stole my computer and an SSD drive containing two decades of my life's work. Devastated is an understatement. It felt as if an anonymous thief had snatched away my core, leaving me with little hope of recovery.

I felt as if I was standing on the edge of a world spinning out of control. Time was precious, especially as I, like everyone else, faced an uncertain future. I could live to see my nineties, or I could die tomorrow. There was no way to know.

I've cast aside false modesty and unrealistic expectations. I accept myself as is, flaws and all. After all, who hasn't taken a wild ride down the road of regret, chasing after moments they'd rather forget?

I suddenly feel compelled to capture my story before it's drowned out by life's relentless cacophony. But after the initial excitement of this unbounded creativity faded, I realized the daunting task ahead.

I'm on a quest to write the saga of my mind. If I could capture every insight, mood, and fleeting truth I've experienced, I'd easily rank among the greatest geniuses of all time. But we're all geniuses in our own lives, because living requires it. Yet when written down, that genius diminishes, reduced to mere anecdotes, like drunken tales at a forgotten bar at 3 AM. I'll do my best to avoid that, which is why I rarely leave the house after 10 PM.

I'm writing to capture the complexities of my mind. Life has been both hard and good, filled with joys and obstacles, truths and disappointments. I've seen the best and the worst, and it's all made me who I am today.

I've lived fully and held little back. I've given everyone the respect they deserve, celebrating wild, unbridled individuality—as long as it doesn't spiral into chaos. Respect for individuals has been my code, so long as they steer clear of violence.

I've always been a maverick, never one to follow the herd. I've spoken my mind, even when it's gotten me in trouble. I've made enemies along the way, but that's just a sign that I'm on the right track.

I'm not here to please you. I'm here to tell the truth, no matter how ugly or uncomfortable it may be. I'm here to shake things up and challenge the status quo.

So if you're looking for a safe and boring read, this isn't it. But if you're looking for an honest and unflinching account of my life and times, then you've come to the right place.

In the wild haze of nineties technology, I unleashed the primal scream of jazz blogs: Bird Lives. Under the moniker of "The Pariah," I hurled verbal Molotov cocktails at the music industry's dark underbelly. Some got singed, and their egos still smolder two and a half decades later.

I rolled the dice with They Will Not Replace Us, a film on America's dance with anti-Semitism. I uploaded it to my YouTube channel, and the critics immediately emerged to jeer and attack. But that's the web, a mask-wearing gala where everyone's brave behind a screen.

In the grand spectacle of existence, I've taken my lumps and learned some lessons. Yet here I am, still saluting the chaos. The curtain hasn't fallen; the play's simply entered a new act. I've picked up some wisdom on this journey, and for that, I remain thankful.

How did I morph into "The Pariah?" How did I become a cosmic outcast, flipping the bird to the buttoned-up codes of Joe Average's America and the white-picket-fence prison of my youth?

Well, it's like asking how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. It's a metamorphosis, a transformation from something ordinary into something extraordinary.

I was never cut out for the conventional life. I was always a rebel, a misfit, a square peg in a round hole. I couldn't conform to the expectations of others. I had to follow my own path, no matter where it led me.

That path has taken me to some really dark corners, but it's also led me on some amazing journeys. I've met incredible people and experienced extraordinary moments And I've learned a lot about myself along the way.

I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm excited to find out. I'm still saluting the chaos, and I'm ready for whatever comes my way. Thanks for joining the party.