Words That Limit Us

Seven Phrases That Hold Us Back

We reveal ourselves through our words—not just in what we say, but in the patterns of thought they expose. After years of studying both ancient Stoic philosophy and contemporary research on mindset and communication, I've noticed something striking: certain phrases consistently appear in the vocabulary of people who seem stuck, while others characterize those who continue growing throughout their lives.

This isn't about perfection or never making verbal missteps. It's about recognizing when our language reflects limiting beliefs that constrain our potential. The Stoics understood that our thoughts shape our reality, and our words both reveal and reinforce those thoughts.

Here are seven phrases that often signal—and strengthen—self-imposed limitations, along with the deeper mindsets they represent.

1. "I already know that."

The Pattern: This phrase typically emerges when we feel our competence is being questioned or when we're uncomfortable with not being the expert in the room.

The Limitation: Research in cognitive psychology shows that people who frequently claim prior knowledge are more likely to exhibit the Dunning-Kruger effect—overestimating their competence in areas where they actually lack expertise. More importantly, this response closes off learning opportunities.

The Stoic Insight: Marcus Aurelius wrote, "How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does." The wise person focuses on their own learning rather than protecting their image as knowledgeable.

A Different Approach: Even when you are familiar with a concept, consider that every teacher brings their own experience and perspective. Instead of declaring prior knowledge, try: "I've encountered this before—I'm curious about your take on it."

2. "That's impossible."

The Pattern: This response often appears when we encounter ideas that challenge our current understanding or require us to stretch beyond our comfort zone.

The Limitation: Neuroscience research reveals that our brains are wired to prefer familiar patterns and resist uncertainty. When we declare something "impossible," we're often protecting ourselves from the discomfort of not knowing how to proceed.

The Stoic Insight: Seneca observed, "We suffer more in imagination than in reality." Many of our "impossibilities" exist primarily in our minds, not in objective reality.

A Different Approach: Replace the absolute with the investigative. Instead of "That's impossible," try: "I don't currently see how that could work—help me understand your thinking" or "What would need to be true for this to be possible?"

3. "That's not my fault."

The Pattern: While sometimes factually accurate, this phrase often appears as an automatic defense against any suggestion of responsibility.

The Limitation: This response reflects what psychologists call an "external locus of control"—the belief that outcomes are primarily determined by forces beyond our influence. Research consistently shows that people with an internal locus of control experience better outcomes across multiple life domains.

The Stoic Insight: Epictetus taught the fundamental Stoic principle: "Some things are within our power, while others are not." The key is focusing on what we can control—our responses, choices, and future actions—rather than defending against responsibility.

A Different Approach: Even when external factors contributed to a problem, ask: "What part of this situation is within my influence?" and "How can I respond in a way that improves the outcome?"

4. "I don't need help."

The Pattern: This phrase often masks vulnerability with false independence, appearing when we feel that asking for help would diminish our status or reveal inadequacy.

The Limitation: Social psychology research demonstrates that people who regularly seek appropriate help achieve better outcomes than those who insist on working alone. Moreover, the reluctance to ask for help often stems from cognitive biases like the "curse of knowledge"—assuming others can't offer valuable perspectives.

The Stoic Insight: Marcus Aurelius, despite being the most powerful person in his world, regularly acknowledged his debt to teachers and advisors in his personal writings. He understood that wisdom comes from integrating insights from multiple sources.

A Different Approach: Reframe help-seeking as efficiency and wisdom gathering. Consider: "Who has experience with similar challenges?" and "What perspectives am I missing?"

5. "I'm too old for that." / "I'm too young for that."

The Pattern: These age-based limitations often appear when we encounter opportunities that require us to be beginners again or step outside established identities.

The Limitation: Developmental psychology shows that neuroplasticity—our brain's ability to form new connections—continues throughout life. Age-based self-limitation often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, reducing our willingness to engage in growth-promoting activities.

The Stoic Insight: The Stoics viewed life as a continuous process of development. Marcus Aurelius wrote his philosophical reflections in his fifties and sixties, treating each day as an opportunity for growth.

Real Examples: Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first Little House book at 65. Harland Sanders was 62 when he founded KFC. Conversely, many successful entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders began their notable work in their teens and twenties.

A Different Approach: Replace age-based limitations with growth-based questions: "What would I need to learn to succeed at this?" and "How can I leverage my current experience while developing new capabilities?"

6. "I'll do it later."

The Pattern: This phrase appears when we feel overwhelmed by a task's scope or when we're avoiding potential discomfort or failure.

The Limitation: Behavioral psychology research on procrastination shows that delaying action often increases anxiety rather than reducing it. The anticipation of doing something difficult is frequently more stressful than actually doing it.

The Stoic Insight: Marcus Aurelius regularly reminded himself of mortality not to be morbid, but to maintain perspective on what truly matters. "You could leave life right now," he wrote, "Let that determine what you do and say and think."

A Different Approach: Break large or emotional tasks into smaller, specific actions. Instead of "I'll call Mom later," commit to "I'll call Mom at 7 PM tonight" or even "I'll send Mom a text asking when would be a good time to talk."

7. "That's just how I am."

The Pattern: This phrase typically emerges when others suggest we change our behavior or when we encounter evidence that our current approach isn't working optimally.

The Limitation: This statement reflects what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a "fixed mindset"—the belief that our abilities and characteristics are static. Decades of research show that people with growth mindsets consistently outperform those with fixed mindsets across various domains.

The Stoic Insight: The Stoics rejected the idea of fixed character. Seneca wrote, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." They viewed personal development as both possible and essential.

A Different Approach: Replace fixed self-definitions with growth-oriented language: "This is how I've typically approached things" or "I'm working on developing better habits in this area."

Moving Forward: From Limitation to Growth

These phrases aren't inherently evil—context matters, and sometimes they're appropriate responses. The key is recognizing when they reflect limiting beliefs rather than accurate assessments of situations.

Practical Steps:

1. Notice the pattern: Start paying attention to when these phrases appear in your internal dialogue or conversations.

2. Pause and investigate: When you catch yourself using limiting language, ask: "What am I trying to protect myself from?" or "What assumption am I making?"

3. Experiment with alternatives: Try the suggested reframes and notice how different language changes your experience of challenging situations.

4. Practice the Stoic dichotomy of control: Regularly distinguish between what you can and cannot influence, focusing your energy on the former.

The goal isn't to eliminate all protective language or become unrealistically optimistic. It's to ensure that our words serve our growth rather than constraining it. As Epictetus taught, we become what we repeatedly do—and say.

Your language shapes your reality. Choose words that expand rather than limit your possibilities.

_ _ _ _ _

Until we meet again, let your conscience be your guide.